The Fear Is Real, and You Are Not Wrong to Feel It
Shunning is not a misunderstanding of Watchtower policy; it is
the policy. Whether Scripture actually commands it is examined,
verse by verse, on
How Should Sin Be Handled?
— and I think the answer is no. But that page is argument,
and this one is not. Here I only want to say plainly: the fear is
legitimate.
Nobody Should Rush You
Truth does not spoil. If the things on this site are true today,
they will still be true next year, and the year after. You owe
nobody an announcement. You do not have to raise your hand at
the meeting, confront your elders, or declare anything to anyone.
You can read quietly, in a private browser window, for as long
as you need. God is not pacing outside your door with a deadline.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden” is
an invitation, not an ultimatum.You can comment on any page here
without using your name; the
commenting policy
explains how.
“Where Else Would I Go?”
At some point the mind reaches for the verse every Witness
knows: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of
eternal life” (John 6:68). It is quoted as though leaving
the organization means leaving Jesus. But read it again. Peter
did not say “where shall we go” — he
said “to whom.” The answer to that question
is a Person. Whether the organization speaks for that Person is
what you are asking, and it isn’t settled by assuming it.
Nobody who walks toward Christ with an honest heart is walking
away from Him.
Staying Has a Cost Too
One more thing should be said, because nobody inside will say
it to you: a burden of unasked questions gets heavier over time,
not lighter. Answering at meetings or in field service teachings
you privately doubt, watching your children inherit obligations
you are no longer sure of — that costs something too, paid
in small installments for the rest of your life. Jesus never
promised that following the truth would be free or easy; He
warned plainly that it can divide a household, and that He must
come first, even before father and mother (Matt. 10:34–37).
But notice what He never asked: He never asked you to stop loving
them. If you ever leave, you will shun no one. Your door
will stay open even if theirs closes, and an open door has a way
of mattering years later.
What Staying Cost Me
I can tell you what the staying cost looks like, because I
paid into it longer than most. In the late seventies, troubled
by questions I could not ignore, I wrote to the Society and
asked them. The reply answered nothing I had asked — and
two weeks later a circuit overseer closed the door of the
Kingdom Hall library, told me I was treading close to apostasy,
and warned me what would follow if I kept raising questions. I
had a wife I loved and every friend I had ever made inside that
religion. So I did what you may be doing right now: I put the
questions on a shelf and went back to the meetings. They sat on
that shelf for twenty years, and they never once got lighter.
When Suzanne and I finally left, in 2000, we left together, and
neither of us was ever disfellowshipped — but I do not get
those twenty years back. The whole story, letters included, is
on the About pages. I tell
it here for one reason: whichever cost you end up paying, pay
it with your eyes open — and, hopefully, sooner than I did.
The Church That Will Not Shun You
Whatever you eventually decide about the Catholic Church’s
claims, you should know one thing about her practice: no one is
told to shun the one who walks away. The Church has penalties
— excommunication is the gravest, and it bars a person from
the sacraments and from church office — but a Catholic who
stops believing, stops attending, or joins another religion faces
no committee, no announcement, and no instruction to family or
friends to cut him off.
People do leave the Catholic faith, and their Catholic mothers
still call them on Sunday. The picture of God this site defends
is the father in the parable who saw his son “while he
was yet at a distance” and ran to him (Luke 15:20) —
not a gatekeeper with a ledger.
When You Are Ready to Talk
When you have questions, ask them. The comments at the bottom of
every page on this site can be used without your name, and I
attempt to answer what is asked in good faith. If you would
rather not ask in public at all, you can write to me privately at
.
Nobody sees that mail but me. I will not publish your letter, I
will not pass your name to anyone, and I will not contact you
again unless you ask me to. If all you can manage today is to
close this window and think, that is enough. The tower is still
worth building; that is why the cost is worth counting.
